Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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