Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
