how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
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I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
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Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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