A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
