Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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