YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i think my tv is drunk
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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