How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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