i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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