Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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