What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
