Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
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I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
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I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I smell like Dick and happiness
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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