Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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