You smell like stripper and shame
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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