There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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