nut hugger
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
