Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
