id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
