he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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