and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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