This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
