spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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