I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
too bad you live with your parents still
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
