I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
