I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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