I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
