Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
