I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
