I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
