great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
