If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
