My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
