Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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