My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
