3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
