He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
