girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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