I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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