I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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