a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
