somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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