Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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