Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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