Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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