Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
