waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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