I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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