I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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