apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
