im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
