i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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