You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
