My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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