but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
