I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
