I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
this boner is exhausting
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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