he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
