I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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