it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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