Having a random hookup so left but love u
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
