DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
