I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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