He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
