I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
