I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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